Guess What?

Go to the bottom of my Blog to find out. Now. I mean it. Do it or Billywitchdoctor.com will summon the ultra mega chicken from the dead and it will fall on you and you will die and stop reading this post right now because you are about to learn that you just wasted 20 seconds so Billywitchdoctor.com will summon the ultra mega chicken from the dead and it will fall on you and it will die because you read this instead of scrolling to the bottom of the page so ta-ta for now and forever.

Futuristic Toilets

Now that the world grows advanced in technology, with advanced robots selling in Toys r' us for 60 bucks, have you ever wondered what will become of toilets? In a world where so much is possible, humanity will grow tired of simple things such as ordinary plumbing and even modest automatic flushers. Also, using the bathroom is a special time, to be cherished and remembered; every time you use he bathroom is unique. That is why I have created the design of my new toilet- the OtOt 1000.


This special design of toilet has a pressure-sensitive seat, so as soon as you sit down, specially built magnetic fibers in the plush seat vibrate, giving a first-class butt massage. A control panel arm moves into position, on which is a touch-screen color menu with which you can select what features to incorporate in your bathroom experience. A high-resolution camera is in position, and can be controlled and moved around with a joystick and control panel with different options, and control zooming. You can also:

• turn on- and off the butt-massagers (note; the vibrations caused by the butt massagers make the projectile that is being secreted come out faster and cleaner)


• make a fully working gas mask come out if you dislike the smell


• select a control that opens a drawer with constipation free pills


• pour yourself a cup of water, soda, and other customizable fountain drinks (default is coke, Mug root beer, cherry coke, water, sprite, and diet coke)


• reposition your seat in any possible way


• select a control that has an arm with a 22" by 14" plasma screen TV with DVD and Blu-ray disk controller , plus cable


• activate a separate arm with an MP3 player, which can also connect to your ipod
  
• turn on a fully operational computer modem with Windows Vista TM or Macintosh.
  
• open a drawer with an eye cover, specially designed for comfort


• play Xbox 360, Wii, or PlayStation 3
  
• serve yourself any variety of food that is pre-packed in a built-in freezer
  
• and, use the bathroom!

Along with all of these pleasurable things, we can make sure no one will bother you at the same time too! This toilet comes with auto-firing mounted machine guns that fire heavy caliber bullets at a rate of 15 rounds per second. They have motion and infrared sensors to detect enemies lurking at your bathroom door. Also, the bullets are AP rounds, so they should easily punch through your bathroom door or ceiling to get at enemies. You'll never be bothered on the toilet again!

Look for it in your nearest super bathroom store in 5 minutes! Note: Any injuries and/or sicknesses including stomach aches, sore butt cheeks, bullet wounds, shapnel, radiation poisoning, lack of breathable oxygen, and/or accidental and possibly fatal overdose of illegal drugs is not our fault, and therefore is not sueable to us. Neither is any malfunction, death and/or inguries of family members/pets/friends/living things, bullet damage, and/or extreme, and abrupt explosion of toilet. All sales are final.

Check out other toilet things at:

• http://sleepthing.blogspot.com/2005/12/drums.html
• http://www.toilets.com/ (never been there, but it's gotta exist)
• the bottom post of my blog

Homework

My friends, I have gathered you around the campfire of knowledge tonight for one purpose; to discuss the growing problem of homework. At first, it was a mere trifle of after school work, such as optional activities that needed to be finished, that didn't really matter. However, now, in the school year 2007-2008, the homework has reaped up onto worksheets, overnight essays and revisions that largly affect your grades, and (shudder) P.roblem O.f the W.eek. Yes, P.O.W., the same initials as in Prisoner Of War. In actuality, the two are not that different. Because, when you are doing it, you become a Prisinor Of Problem Of the Week. It's confusing, isn't it? A whole new acronym to add to the list. P.O.P.O.W. Identicle acronyms unite.
But back to the subject of homework. Just yesterday, I was given a homework assignment that she had forwarned us had been coming, yet there was barely anything we could do to prepare for it- we couldn't start. However, suddenly, there it was on the homework board- do (blahblahblahincoherenthomeworkcode) and it was very important.
You probably didn't learn much from this, so I give you ths lesson to pondor over when you grow old and begin to think of things- homework sucks like a bucket of ticks.

Solja Cow

to the tune of "Crank dat Solja Boy" by Solja Boy Tellem.
MOO!
{Solja cow up in it oh!
Watch me chew my cud then roll!
Watch me chew then watch me moo now
SUPER COW THAT OH!
Now watch me MOO! crank that cow
(repeat 3 times)
Now watch. }
{chorus repeat}
Solja cow up in it oh!
Watch me lean then watch me moo.
Super Cow that oh!
Yeah, watch me crank that cow, fool.
Super Cow, now watch me chew.
Chewin' on that grass, mates.
When I do the Solja cow I lean to the left and eat that thing now
MOO!
The poo comes out of my butt.
Yeah, I got the best cow patties in the whole wide world. What!
You catch me at your local grass field
Yes I eat, every day.
Some cows be gettin' mad, cuz
I got me some tasty plates.
{chorus}
{chorus}
I'm bouncing on my hooves!
Watch me super soak with milk.
I'ma pass it to a rabbit an' he gonna drink it up, for more milk.
Cows they wanna be me solja cow, i'm da cow
They be lookin' at my head, sayin' dat guy's some cow.
Cow...
Watch me moo
Watch me moo
Dam...
Dam...
I'm lickin' too...
Lickin' too...
No, you can't moo like me.
So, don't you moo like me.
Fool, I seeya tryin' to moo like me.
Man that cow sound ug-ly.
{chorus}
{chorus}

Cheese Fondue

I have decided that cheese fondue is one of the most glorious parts of life. The fact that it involves molten cheese signifies it's divinity. The feeling of splendour that is generated by eating it qualifies into the World's Eighth Wonder. When you dip the bread, steak, vegetable or other into the cheese, the cheesey flavor of the molten cheese not only soaks into the said object that has been dipped but the cheese stays on the bread and delivers this precious flavor. Anyway, I'd like to conclude this by saying that cheese fondue is something you should try.

Also, if you want to learn more about cheese, you should follow this link:
http://cheeseisawesome.blogspot.com

Clarification

I just want to clarify to everyone that I did not, in any way, drink from the toilet. The following post was a result of observation, not experience. Repeat- I did not drink from the toilet.

How to Drink from the Toilet.

There are many people who credit themselves for knowing how to drink properly from a toilet. They say, "Oh, I've seen my dog do it, I've studied the topic, so what more do I need to know?" Some people even drink from the toilet themselves to find mastery. However, many people wish to know this without actually gaining experience; like being able to craft scotch tape from a bar of soap, owning a high-speed sports car, and being able to understand a contract that is written by the government, it falls under the category of something to boast of- it is not a necessary talent. (I am one of those people.) So, those people, if the wish for true knowledge, will watch, instead of dogs; cats.

However, if you are not like me, and wish to seek knowledge not by observing, but by questioning others for the golden knowledge, then you must read on. On this yonder computer screen you are reading this blog on, lies the written form of the talent of drinking from the toilet. Read on, brave adventurer.

Here the instructions come, step by step. However, if you do not have a true desire to learn this, then stop. Skedaddle. What follows is not for the unprepared.

1. First, you must make sure there is water in the toilet. If there is none, you are officially screwed. Just as important, make sure that the toilet water is completely clear, with no shades of yellow, brown, red, or any other color.
2. Next, providing there is water in your toilet, you must kneel down on your hands and knees, to be level with the toilet. You must be able to drink without kneeling down too far. This is a step that is used by humans only, for cats and dogs have no need for this.
3. Now, you come close to the final step. Climb your forelimbs onto the toilet seat/bowl, and put your head into the bowl.
4. Then, thrust! with all the might in your hind legs, and push yourself into the toilet. Outstretch your tongue first, so it is the first part of your head to hit the water. That will cushion the impact, and give your lower jaw the clearing it needs to come down and wrap itself around the water.
5. Finally, drink to your hearts content. Or rather, don't. The idea of drinking from the toilet is repulsive, and, as I said, this knowledge should remain unused. So, more properly, enjoy the knowledge that you have just received.